Guest Upset After Discovering Friends' Lavish Wedding with Costly Gift List Wasn't Legally Binding

A reader reached out to Slate's "Pay Dirt" column after discovering that their friends' extravagant wedding which included an elaborate gift registry was not legally recognized.

The columnist noted that it was understandable for the reader to feel annoyed, though the frustration might be directed at the wrong issue.

The letter writer, who recently attended the ceremony, explained that they were shocked to learn the event had no legal standing. They wrote that their friends got married in the summer or so I thought.

They held a ceremony and, looking back, used unusual phrasing and never actually said husband or wife, but it felt like a normal wedding. I recently learned that they arent legally married and have no plans to be, the reader shared.

The couple told the guest that the event was simply a celebration of their love and commitment. Logically, it doesnt affect my life whether they are legally married or not, but I still feel a little misled, the reader admitted. It feels odd and a bit tacky to host a large wedding and request pricey gifts just to mark a relationship yet, isnt that essentially what most weddings do? they added.

In her response, advice columnist Ilyce Glink acknowledged that the guest was not wrong to feel irritated but suggested that the true issue was the couples lack of transparency. Glink explained that the problem wasnt the absence of a legal marriage, but that guests were allowed to assume it was official. If they had said, Were having a commitment ceremony and would love for you to join us, you could have made an informed decision about attending and giving a gift, she wrote.

Glink encouraged the guest to consider the real distinction between a legal marriage and a committed partnership. For you as a guest, nothing functionally changes. You celebrated their relationship and gave a thoughtful gift, she noted. The legal paperwork doesnt alter the fact that you witnessed two people pledging themselves to each other.

While the ceremony may have been performative, Glink emphasized that if the couple truly committed to each other through shared finances, living arrangements, and long-term plans, the legal documentation is just bureaucracy.

She further added that even if the couple separated within months, it would be no different than a short-lived marriage. Its okay to feel uneasy, but in practical terms, you celebrated their relationship and the bond still exists. Let it go, Glink concluded.

Author: Sophia Brooks